


He's My Brother, Let Us Live In Peace

by Ijustneed12percentofamoment



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Allusions To Endgame, Avengers Sleepover, Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feels, Friendship/Love, Gen, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Tony Stark, Sharing a Bed, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark Friendship, Where's Our Deleted Scene Joss Whedon, mentions of other Avengers, soft, tony is worthy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:07:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23260714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ijustneed12percentofamoment/pseuds/Ijustneed12percentofamoment
Summary: Because if Nat and Bruce bunked up, and Thor was off searching for his Well Of Insight, then Steve and Tony had to have shared a bed. Here's what they talked about.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Kudos: 41





	He's My Brother, Let Us Live In Peace

**Author's Note:**

> I found this headcanon in a meme/status somewhere on instagram and kinda couldn't stop thinking about it. It just took me a million years to write because Endgame f-ed me up.  
> I just need so much more Steve and Tony friendship content ok thanks.
> 
> The title is inspired by the lyrics from 'Border Song' by Elton John, specifically this version: [Border Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZC-wXru6Lz8)
> 
> Special thanks as always to my pal [cas_makes_me_very_happy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cas_makes_me_very_happy) for editing <3

Both men stood frozen in the doorway of the tiny bedroom; the purple and white striped double bed stared right back.

“You can’t be serious…”

“Hey, you should just be grateful I don’t sleep in the nude, Rogers.”

They were caught between feeling grateful that the Bartons were putting them up for the night, and wishing Thor needed some back up for his mystery mission.

Tony was seriously contemplating sleeping in the plane (he barely slept anyway), but there was something loosely resembling guilt churning inside him about Barton’s kid giving up her room for them in exchange for the fold out downstairs.

The kids loved it. To them it was all an exciting indoor camping activity – something different, something that meant they got to be secret helpers to the Avengers. It made Clint beam proudly, and made Steve’s smile look like a guilty cringe.

Steve sighed and sat down on the mattress. Springs creaked and complained under his weight while Tony looked on, raising a slow arching eyebrow.

“You better not hog my side, Cap.”

…

“God, I wonder how many women would kill to be where I am right now…?”

Tony jabbed, making a show of wriggling into place next to Steve, who didn’t take the bait. He rolled his eyes and rested his hand that wasn’t on Tony’s side under his head. Both men were mirror images of each other – they were stiffly lying on their backs, staring at the pale blue ceiling with soft clouds painted across it. Their outer arms were stuck under their heads, while the other tried not to awkwardly touch the other man’s – or worse: accidentally seductively graze against a thigh.

_Jesus._

Tony wasn’t about to let this go, however.

“Or men, I mean hey, whatever.” He held up his hands defensively, and finally got a soft chuckle out of Steve. Tony grinned, looking over at his friend before pausing. There was a moment’s silence before he asked seriously,

“Any leads on your man?”

The soft smile on Steve’s lips turned sad and his eyes drifted over to the farthest cloud on the ceiling, while his fingers stilled on the dog tags he’d been thumbing.

The tags weren’t his own, and they certainly hadn’t gone past Tony’s attention – they’d become almost like a talisman or a tell that Steve would fiddle with without even himself noticing. At first it was just Nat who’d noticed, considering she’d been the one to hand him the beginning of the thread that Steve just couldn’t stop pulling no matter how horrific the path became.

Then Sam picked it up, because if there was one constant in his weekly group, it was recognising particular tokens and objects that vets would always keep on their possession. Some treated it like a comfort blanket – others like a superstitious artefact.

Steve was just glad to have something of Bucky’s with him, when he couldn’t have the real thing. It was a reminder of what they had – what they both had been but were never going to be again.

“Sometimes I think the whole universe is conspiring to keep us apart,” Steve finally whispered back.

Tony opened his mouth to say something but hesitated. Instead he sighed, his own eyes dimming a little, and Steve knew this was as serious as Tony was going to get. The condescending, sarcastic joker mask had slipped away – at least for a moment.

“Maybe the universe is just waiting. Y’know, right place, right time. When there’s no wars, no Hydra, no psychotic alien robots…” He trailed off into a wince.

Steve nodded once, but his frown deepened. Tony didn’t think Steve could look any sadder than he did right now.

In his melancholy, Steve’s walls seemed to come down, at least a little. It felt so good to be able to talk this honestly to Tony – to someone else who had lost everything… lost some _one_ they cared for – but had been able to save them.

“What if we had our chance? What if we missed it?”

“Hell, Steve, you can’t know that. Besides, isn’t the fact that he’s even still alive a sign? A sign that your stories aren’t finished yet?”

This made Steve turn to look at him, and Tony was a little shocked to find his eyes were glassy.

Steve hesitated. “You ever think of what your life would be like in an alternate reality?”

Tony snorted. “You mean where you weren’t in it and I didn’t have a god damn hernia? Yeah, sure, all the time.”

“You know what I mean, Tony.”

They were inches apart from each other, and somehow it seemed like the worst kind of betrayal to be this close – bared this openly to each other – and not be honest. Tony was quiet for a second, before looking at Steve straight in those ridiculously blue eyes of his and he swallowed, trying not to remember his own vision.

“Every day. Who doesn’t, right?”

Steve looked back up to the ceiling and took a breath.

“Yeah…”

The truth was, it was all Steve could think about sometimes. The decisions he made… the decisions he _hadn’t_ made – they haunted his waking and sleeping thoughts. Steve often had nightmares – the serum made his memories so sharp, that he’d become accustomed to getting cut. But if it made his cognitive function clearer, then it was nothing compared to his vivid imagination at night.

He’d come to know his PTSD night terrors from the war like an old friend. Nothing could ever make them go away or make them easier to deal with, but at least Steve knew what to do with them – they were expected. They made sense to him.

But ever since he’d found out Bucky was still alive… nothing could have prepared him for how much his subconscious would punish him for leaving him behind. It became impossible to distinguish dreams from nightmares – where one ended and the other began. They would run away with him, just like a woollen thread that he – if he were being honest – didn’t _want_ to let go of. Because in a way Steve figured he deserved this. He deserved this torment that was merely a fraction of what he knew Bucky had endured for decades.

Sometimes, Steve wished he could have gotten his revenge on Pierce – to be able to feel him struggle for breath beneath his palms. To be able to look into his eyes as he stared up at the man the whole world considered an ancient relic, and see _fear_ shining back. Steve wanted so badly to inflict just a quarter of the pain Pierce had done to Bucky back onto him. And sometimes in his dreams, he did. But most times, Steve was as helpless as his best friend.

His own screams would wake him up from being tied to the chair with a bit between his teeth. Other times, he’d rip himself from the sheets, tears streaming down his face from being forced to watch from the side lines.

And all the while, Steve would walk through his life in a half daze, his heart aching to go back. If he could just go back and fix it – maybe Bucky would never have to suffer… Maybe, just maybe, they could have lived in peace – together…

Tony, refusing to admit he was touched, yet systematically unnerved by their spontaneous Deep-And-Meaningful session, tried to resort to his backup generators.

“Hey, don’cha go bailing on me for an alternate reality, Rogers. You can’t leave me here with these idiots.” He nudged his bicep.

It worked – almost. Steve gave him a good-natured smile, but it trailed off. His voice was the smallest Tony had ever heard it when he said, “I don’t belong here, Tony.”

This was dangerous territory, and they both knew it. But Steve couldn’t seem to let it go – it was like he couldn’t stop punishing himself for all the different choices he could have made, and Tony’s heart pulled inside his throat.

“Steve…” His own voice was strained, and Tony made sure he’d get Steve back for it one of these days. In an extremely out of body experience, Tony reached out and held Steve’s still fidgeting hand. His fingers stilled over the dog tag beneath. “You made the right choices. I know it doesn’t feel like it sometimes, but there is a reason why you’re here. Your moves, your actions brought you to this moment, this time where you have this new opportunity to make everything right again. Everything that has happened and will happen is meant to drive you in the right direction. You’ve got a second chance, Steve. Not a lot of people get that.”

There was a pause and Steve slowly started to nod, and Tony stopped himself from wiping the single tear rolling down into Steve’s hairline, and instead removed his hand and tried not to wipe it on the blanket. Steve blinked and seemed to finally come out of himself again, and Tony saw the walls go back up behind his eyes.

“Thanks, Tony.”

“Any time, Cap.” He nudged his shoulder. “Clearly destiny has brought you here. To this moment. In this bed. Canoodling with me. So I’m up for the challenge… But only because of destiny.”

Steve chuckled low, and Tony finally relaxed back into the soft mattress, satisfied that things were back to normal.

After a while the light was turned off, and they lay in silence for a long time, as if to warrant the weight of such a philosophical conversation.

“Give me you honest opinion, alright Cap?” Tony whispered.

“I’m always honest.”

Tony snorted, “Yeah, okay.”

“ _What_ , Tony?”

“Alright – so if I’m flying the jet… and Thor’s in that jet…”

“Tony–”

“I’m technically worthy, right?”

“I don’t think it–”

“Uh, I think it does…! He puts it down on the floor – _I’m still flying the jet, Steve_. I’m fucking worthy!”

“Shhh,” Steve stage whispered, but it was jagged with his chuckling.

“You know I’m right.”

“Sure thing, Tony.”

There was another long pause before Tony whispered to himself, knowing Steve could still hear, “Where abouts in Asgard should I put the statue…?”

Steve snorted.

“God, Thor would have an aneurysm.”

They were both bad sleepers, but Pepper had made a big dent for the better in Tony’s habits, and soon Steve heard his slow, even breaths. He’d just closed his eyes and was beginning to drift when Tony jerked, and his breathing got shallow. Steve turned his head to watch him through heavy lids, and saw sweat glistening along his skin in the moonlight – the glow of the arc reactor casting a cold hue. Tony was flinching against something in his dreams – something left over from the witch’s vision, no doubt.

Steve frowned, his hand hovering, trying to think of a way to calm him. He thought back to the days and weeks after he rescued Bucky from Zola during the war – the nights that he tucked him close and kissed his neck…

Clearly Steve couldn’t do that.

Tony made an awful whimpering sound and Steve’s heart pounded.

“Sss–St–Steve…?” Tony whispered, and he was shaking, his breath so shallow, like he was drowning on land.

“I’m here,” Steve whispered back before he could stop himself. He frowned – what the hell had that girl shown him?

Before Steve knew what he was doing – and probably running with what Tony had done for him earlier – he had reached out and grabbed Tony’s clammy arm and watched over him, silently begging Tony to come round. Tony flinched when Steve rubbed his thumb over his damp skin, before his hyperventilating stopped. For what felt like hours, he didn’t seem to breathe at all, but as Steve kept gently brushing his thumb along Tony’s skin, he felt his pulse slow, and Tony took a deep breath and rolled onto his side – expertly hooking Steve’s arm under his and dragging him with him.

Steve gave a little yelp of surprise but didn’t pull away. Tony held onto his hand, almost child-like, and mumbled something incomprehensible before shifting into a deeper sleep.

Steve assessed his situation and sighed, defeated. He squeezed his friend’s hand gently and closed his eyes. Because of all people, Steve knew that sometimes you just needed someone to hold to weather a bad night.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for dropping by and reading! <3


End file.
